Graduated Housemanship Years

Alhamdulillah, my housemanship years has ended just a few days ago. Happy? To be honest, its a mixed feeling. While some had a smooth sailing journey, I can say mine is not. Nevertheless, I believe what Allah has put me through, has trained me of what I've become today. But I never dare to say that the training years is enough. There's just so much more to learn. And hopefully this drives me to be completely passionate in learning deeper in the field that I'm seeking forward to further later on.

Of the people I met, every single of them taught me a lesson. And I'm definitely thankful for that. Especially to the one who left me a meaningful experience that I will never forget. :) On the other hand,  they brought out the inner side of me dealing with different kinds of personality that I acquainted.

Most of the postings I've been through as a Houseman - I enjoyed it. Although, there were circumstances that made me cry,  feeling demotivated, anger and frustrated. But hey, if not because of those difficult moments, I will never taste the sweetness of progressing into a Medical Officer, don't you think so?

Of course, I'm aware that being a Medical officer is much more challenging. Now it's the time for you to make a decision on your patients with your clinical judgements. The responsibility is real now. No more backups like HO days. Be firm with your stands and be brave to face it.

Well, I don't know what more to share specifically about my Housemanship years. Maybe if you would like to shoot me up with questions, I can try to give a response in my next entry, Inshaallah.

That's all for now. I gotta go to bed.
Uhh ho, its already almost 2 am. To my juniors starting their housemanship soon,  good luck ye!

"Just keep the passion up. Always remember that its not all about your survival but it also about patient's life and hope is upon you.  Tiredness and stress will always on the road. But care, kindness, passion and at the end the smile of your patient is always the best gift that you can have." -Will always remember these words. 

  

It's been long since I spent my time reading out of medical field materials. Something about spiritual content that has somehow been left for a while. 

Motivasi Dari Aku, Untuk Aku yang Bangkit dari Kegagalan

Dear diary,

Sekali lagi aku login E-klas. Betulkah semalam apa yang aku nampak? Atau sekadar ilusi disebabkan sejarah hitam yang lalu? Tak, bukan. Memang benar. Realiti, Azureen. 

'Rotation 2, Medicine, Grade: F. Description: FAIL.'

Allah.. seakan-akan tak percaya pun ada. Perasaan redha pun ada. Bercampur-baur menjadi satu. Aku terkedu. Tak tahu reaksi mana harus aku keluarkan. Yang aku mampu, hanya terdiam. Tiba-tiba memori semalam ligat bermain-main dalam fikiranku, tanpa aku mampu halang. Suara orang-orang sekelilingku ibarat bunyi bising yang sekadar menjadi latar belakang suasana ketika itu.

Pada masa itu, peliknya air mataku tidak tumpah serta-merta. Bergenang pun tidak. Mungkin sebab aku sudah dapat mengagak. Ya, peperiksaan klinikal kali itu memang berlainan sungguh rasanya. Seolah-olah petanda supaya aku bersiap-sedia. Rupa-rupanya apa yang aku rasa dahulu, sumber untuk aku lebih kuat hari ini.

Beruntung aku sebenarnya. Dapat merasa bila di atas. Juga dapat merasa peritnya jatuh ke bawah. Sebab dari pengalaman kedua-duanya itu, aku belajar. Sedih? Sakit? Aku manusia biasa. Kalau aku tak mengaku yang aku rasa sedih dan malu, mungkin aku ini robot agaknya. Melihat kawan-kawan lain lulus dengan cemerlang, sedang aku, tersadung di saat hampir ke garisan penamat. Tapi jauh di sudut hati kecilku, aku bersyukur. Sangat. Allah izinkan aku untuk percaya pada hikmah yang Dia berikan. Mungkin sekarang, pengetahuanku masih samar. Tapi aku yakin, suatu hari nanti aku akan nampak dengan jelas. Yakin, Azureen. Dengan iman.

Kata dia, "Ada battle yang lebih besar, Reen." Depan dia memang aku tak mampu bertahan. Tumpah juga air mata. Donut Dunkin berupa smiley :) aku pandang umpama :(. 

Doa yang aku tak pernah tinggal. Semoga Allah berkatkan ilmu yang Dia ajarkan selama ini. In that way, I hope He chooses me to be in the road yang aku boleh memanfaatkan ilmuku ke arah jalan yang Dia redhai. There must be a reason Allah has granted my prayer to further medicine one day ago. And now that I'm in this line, takkan aku nak menyerah macam tu je?

Orang yang beriman akan merasa gembira bila ditimpa susah atau senang. Sebab dia tahu, segalanya datang daripada Allah. Maka semua itu akan baik-baik saja. Sabarlah ya Azureen.. It's a sign you should work harder and sincere. 

Terngiang-ngiang pesan pensyarah aku, "Sometimes, there are things that you cannot control. Even if you work hard, you need luck." Dan aku rasa, luck itu kita perlu minta daripada Dia Yang Maha Mendengar, Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang.

A failure does not means you will fail forever. And it does not also mean you are not good enough. Tests are meant to build us. Not downgrade us. 

Jadi, bangun Azureen! Jangan pernah mengalah. Terus langkah walau kau harus mengengsot sekalipun!

We must also realize that nothing happens without a purpose. Nothing. Not even broken hearts. Not even pain. That broken heart and pain are lessons and signs for us. They are warnings that something is wrong. They are warnings that we need to make a change.

-Yasmin Mogahed

Andai kisah aku mampu mengajar, sebarkanlah.. Aku tidak lagi malu untuk mengaku yang aku pernah buat silap. In fact, siapa yang sempurna? Tak ada, bukan? Peace.

Post-end of posting surgery clinical exam. Tak mau sedih-sedih. Jom makan! ^_^

p/s: Ingat lagi kisah Raja Azureen dahulu? Klik sini untuk cerita awal: Reflecting memories of 3rd year .